Action Influencer 3: they feel they are reciprocating or repaying an obligation or debt
I sometimes believe that my wife loves planning holidays as much as she does going on them. This has many obvious advantages, and some unexpected ones. On one of our first holidays together we went to Seville in Spain. Seville is beautiful city with winding streets through the old town and delightful squares in which to watch the world pass by. It is a very romantic city – perfect for a couple’s holiday where after the warmth of a hot June day you can sit outside and sip sangria for hours.
One of the things my wife had read about, and thus for which we were both prepared, was that significant numbers of flower sellers roam the streets in the evenings. They are usually individuals carrying bunches of separately wrapped roses. A clear “no, gracias” will usually suffice to make your preference clear but they have realised this and have adapted their technique accordingly. Instead of trying to sell flowers, they give them away for free. At night, particularly during tourist season, you will find hundreds of people out on the streets of Seville – and I’m sure many other cities – carrying bunches of roses and offering them to tourists for free to give to their partner. What romantic person could resist a free rose for their love? Whatever the reason for you taking the rose, though, it is a gift. From them to you. For visiting their lovely city. No charge. Just for you. And your beautiful partner.
However, the moment the unsuspecting tourist takes hold of the rose the tone changes. The gift remains a gift, but could they have some money please as they’re very poor and need help supporting their family? No, they don’t want the flower back, but if you could spare some money. No, no, please keep the rose, it is a gift. But some Euros as a gift in return would be much appreciated. Clearly there is something in this approach that is more effective and more profitable than just selling flowers on the street. The answer lies in the technique of reciprocity.
Reciprocity relies upon the social norm that a positive action should be responded to with another positive action. This fundamentally simple idea underpins one of the most powerful devices that a clever salesperson or marketer can leverage. For a traditional flower seller the approach would simply be to offer flowers for a particular price and to sell them in exchange for money. Instead, the technique that these modern agents use is to create a feeling of indebtedness and then to ask for money to clear that sense.
Deep down, few people are surprised to discover that businesses do not do things for purely altruistic reasons. Fans of the Friends TV show will probably recall the episode where Phoebe was certain that people would perform a good gesture simply because it is the right thing to do. While there are examples of pure altruistic behaviour, it is a general truth that most good deeds are benefitted by a reciprocal gain. Reciprocity affects us every day. It is hard coded into the social parameters within which we live. Have you ever sent someone a Christmas Card because they sent you one? Have you ever signed up for a service after they gave you a free gift?
Reciprocity is not the same as a transaction. Reciprocity is the principle of creating a desire to give something back. It is not a response to an obligation. The greater the value exchange that someone accepts, the greater the reciprocal value that they will be willing to commit to. A reciprocal response is never guaranteed – in fact the desire to reciprocate is shown to decline with time. Wandering flower sellers know that a promise to come back later when you have cash is much less likely to result in a payday than an immediate response. Nonetheless, reciprocity ties into a very primal and very powerful instinct: to respond to a positive deed with another positive deed.
In a Season 6 episode of US series The Office, Dwight Schrute brings bagels into the office. As he hands them out, he makes it tries to make it clear that by accepting a bagel, you owe him. Unfortunately for Dwight, the character of Andy Bernard cannot let an owed favour lie and immediately polishes Dwight’s leather briefcase. “Do not test my politeness,” he says to camera. Mortified that Andy has not only nullified the favour but that he now owes Andy, Dwight insists upon holding the door open for Andy, only for Andy to hold the door open for Dwight after he has passed. Quickly, an arms race of passive-aggressive politeness, one-upmanship and reciprocity nullification escalates as they each try to out-owe the other. Eventually, as they try to out-do each other they put on grander and grander gestures for the whole office, until Andy ends up buying everyone a Starbucks gift card, and Dwight is forced to give up.
Reciprocity is built upon the concept of value exchange. One of the earliest scenes in both Mario Puzo’s novel The Godfather and Francis Ford Coppola’s 1972 film of the same name features the undertaker Bonasera who has come to ask Don Corleone for a favour: to avenge his assaulted daughter. Bonasera, furious and humiliated that a judge let her attacker go with only a suspended sentence turns to the Don for help and he offers to pay the Don. Don Corleone refuses. He takes afront at Bonasera’s clumsy attempt to give him money expressing his sadness that Bonasera should resort to something as low as payment in exchange for the Don’s help. “What have I ever done to make you treat me so disrespectfully?” he asks. It is revealed that Bonasera could have come to the Don before and been embraced as a friend; then he would have no need to grovel. Instead, he rejected the Don’s friendship and now tries to pay for murder with money. Bonasera, we learn through Don Corleone, was afraid of getting into trouble.
“I will give you this favor on the day of my daughters wedding,” Don Corleone famously goes on to say. “Some day, and that day may never come, I will call upon you to do a service for me. But until that day, consider this justice a gift on my daughter's wedding day.” Bonasera leaves both grateful for the Don’s help, but clearly also worried about this ‘favour’ that he now owes. Though no money has exchanged hands it is clear he has paid a price. Bonasera knows he has written a blank cheque – an unlimited commitment – to a powerful man. Perhaps surprisingly, there’s no overt threat made to Bonasera. There is no ‘if you don’t follow through, you’ll be swimming with the fishes’. No apparent consequences for not complying. While this may be so implicit as to not require stating, it is also clear that this is a social contract based upon a clearly agreed currency of reciprocity. There is no way to pay off this debt – a favour cannot be quantified – but it will be nullified through completion of the reciprocal ‘favour’ of the Don’s choosing.
Reciprocity functions on the principle of value exchange. Since you have given me something or done something of value to me, I feel compelled to reciprocate. A small favour can extract a significant reciprocal action if handled in the correct way. Consider some of these examples for how reciprocity can be used in marketing and sales activity:
Example 1: driving action
“We only have five places remaining at our next CFO roundtable. I have added you to the priority list to give you first refusal, so could you have your EA let me know by next Friday if you are able to attend please.” In this example we are trying incentivise CFOs to respond to an event invitation. Reciprocity is used to encourage getting an answer back quickly, not to get them to participate. Value has been given by adding them to a priority list, whether they wanted to be there or not. By communicating the limited nature of five places we also leverage a supply limitation. This in turn also increases the perceived value of the action we have done, so in turn making our request of a rapid answer more likely to be reciprocated.
Example 2: delivering bad news
“I’m afraid I’ve been unable to confirm you for a speaking slot at our next user conference, but I’m really excited that I’ve been able to secure a place on the next of our really popular customer panels. I hope you’ll be able to participate?” Delivering bad news in a way that sounds good – or at least acceptable – is an art, and this demonstrates it well. The speaker has managed to secure an alternative – an activity that they didn’t have to do – and increases the value of this alterative: “I’m really excited… []…really popular customer panels…”. Clearly, this alternative needs to be of interest to the listener, but by positioning it this way it increases the chances of them reciprocating the offer by accepting it. This act of acceptance would likely nullify any remaining bad feeling on the initial offer not going through. Consider this example alternative format see how you would feel. “I’m afraid I’ve been unable to confirm you for a speaking slot at our next user conference, but if you want there’s a customer panel I could invite you to. Would that be of interest?” This phrasing offers no value-add from the speaker and they are far less likely to follow through and participate, allowing the bad feeling to fester unresolved.
Example 3: pre-emptive discounts
“We’re really keen to do more business with you, so I’ve agreed a 15% reduction with our CFO against our usual charge rates but she’ll only do this until the end of the month. Could you let me know this week if you think you’ll go ahead so I can give her an update please?” Though it can take a number of different forms, this technique of reciprocal concession can be a good way of sealing a deal. The technique has two variations. Similar to the first example, you’re not asking for the deal to be agreed, just to get an update on the offer. You may find some suppliers pre-emptively take this approach with every deal. Be aware whenever you see it; this discount is rarely a true discount: it is always used with the intent of limiting greater discounts being requested and increasing chances of reciprocal acceptance. This type of discount has always been built into the standard cost calculations, and is different from other discounts like bulk-buys or combo deals.
The above examples focus mainly on one-to-one communications, but similar techniques can be used at scale. Charitable donations and the goodwill that goes along with them have been used for many years. Five cents in every dollar spent is given to support a charity – the reciprocity here is that by giving money to charity, we ask that you give money to us. The more you spend, the more we’ll give. There are no hard-and-fast guidelines to using these techniques.
Mastery of reciprocation in inception devices requires manipulation of these five principles:
Move first: offer value without strings attached and make clear what the value is. Ambiguity may hurt the perception.
Understand your value: Make sure you understand why the recipient will value what you have offered. Just because you see it as valuable, doesn’t mean they will. You are doing this for them, so they have to be front of mind in your intent.
Direct to the desired reciprocation: Do not ask for something directly related to what you have offered since that will cheapen it, but direct them to how they could respond in kind.
Act with good intent: Make sure your actions do not appear wholly self-serving. It can be clear why you have offered something, but should appear to recipient to be intended to be for their benefit. Note the language here: to the recipient your actions should be perceived as overall being for their benefit. There may still be an apparent benefit to them.
Trust: Trust is won in drops and lost in buckets. Ensure that the previous principles all do not undermine your ability to be trustworthy and honest.